Match report to follow from Seb C, who has risked a serious fine by subbing the job out to his mother:

It may have been a gloomy afternoon off the pitch, but on it, our lads shone brighter than a freshly polished trophy. Despite missing Captain Rob and our resident acrobat Del, the squad stormed to a frankly absurd 21-0 victory. Yes, you read that right - twenty-one. Nil. The poor oppo probably needed a group hug and a strong cup of tea afterwards.

The front line seemed to take inspiration from the famous kids song "We're Going on a Bear Hunt" - except instead of grass and rivers, our forwards were flattening defenders left, right and centre. "We're going through them!" they might as well have shouted, and that's exactly what they did, time and time again. It got to the point where trying to name every goal scorer would've been like reading the phone book - impressive, but pointless with so many goals on the board.

Complacency was never countenanced. Midfield and defence rarely let the oppo past the 2nd third, and with Kirky donning both the armband and the motivational speakers hat for the day, focus never slipped. "Heads down, lads!" became the mantra, and with that steady hand on the tiller, the team powered through, extending their goal difference to leap 2 clear of table toppers Sandbach 1s.

After a half-time chat about passing hockey (and maybe how not to feel too guilty for scoring so many), the squad went right back to business. Another dozen goals in the 2nd half, as if they were trying to break some obscure Guinness World Record.

All in all, an outrageous win, a statement performance, and proof that even without Rob and Del's flair, this team's got enough firepower to give any side nightmares. Bring on the next one.

STATS:
Cocksy -5
Angus -5
Simon -5
Tom S - 3
Charlie, Gus, Jack W -1

DOTD: Jack H for an attempted backhand (apparently the ball was in a different postcode to his stick?)
MOTM: Simon S for scoring 5 goals whilst also taking official match photos.
Most Bored: Arlo.

Next up: Alderley Edge 4s, 10.30 @ Tiverton.

Top job Mrs C!